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In this article, I will cover how you can divorce a narcissist or a psychopath.
Usually, I don’t talk about divorce, but if you are in a relationship with a narcissist, or a psychopath, I honestly think you need to leave this destructive relationship.
Living with a narcissist and being at the brunt of their manipulation and gaslighting is one of the hardest things someone could ever do. Recognizing the need to get out of the relationship and, in this case, divorce takes a tremendous amount of courage and, in many cases, is the only solution to mental survival.
However, as hard as it is to live with a narcissist, divorcing them can be even more difficult. It is because narcissists’ only concern is themselves and their happiness. They will try everything they can to make your life miserable, so if you find yourself at the point where you’re considering divorcing your narcissist partner, then you need to be prepared.
Below, you will find seven helpful tips to divorce a narcissist.
Get Ready for a Battle
It may come across as terrifying, but the need to be ready for a battle cannot be overstated. It is because a narcissist will use every tactic in their manipulative arsenal to wear their partner down in a divorce. However, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and the process won’t last forever.
With mental and physical preparation, which starts with the help of this guide, you will be able to get yourself in a position to recognize, stand up against, and counter the narcissist’s attempts to wear you down.
Get Professional Support
Don’t do anything before you consult a family lawyer. Ask them about the work they’ve done with other narcissistic spouses in divorces. Explain your situation and be sure they’re ready to help you.
Don’t take the first family lawyer you find, and don’t settle for a lawyer you don’t feel comfortable with. Living with a narcissist for so long means that you may agree to everything, but instead, take this time to remember this is about protecting you now, so go with your gut feeling and pick a lawyer you feel you can both trust and be confident in.
Cut Off All In-Person Contact
Stop all contact with the narcissist if this is at all possible.
It can be difficult if there are children involved, which we will discuss shortly, but as much as you can, avoid meeting with the narcissist and give them a chance to talk to you.
If you do have to see them in person, take someone else along with you, who can support and defend you, as well as a witness any behavior. Getting evidence of behavior is crucial, but this doesn’t mean that you should put yourself in a situation where things can get out of hand.
Here are seven other tips that you might find useful if you want to divorce your spouse.
Keep Detailed Records
- Sit down and detail everything you can about your finances.
- Keep track of everything you own between you and when you purchased it.
- Dig out receipts of large purchases you made.
- Get your vehicle registration details.
- Have as much of your property put into your names, such as your car and possessions.
Have your bank account. It may sound obvious to some and terrifying to the narcissist victim, who may not have had their financial control for years. If your spouse has access to your account, open a new one. Change your password. If necessary, change your phone number.
Write down interactions you have with the narcissist, from phone calls to conversations in supermarket car parks. Tell your family, friends, and colleagues not to engage in phone calls with them. Please write down your relationship history with them to give your lawyer, so they have an idea of what they’re dealing with.
Try to Put Emotions Aside
It is always easier said than done, but the narcissist isn’t going to play fair. They don’t care about your emotions and never have. This time, you’ve wounded their pride, and they’ll be angry, so they will try any possible method to drag you down.
Think practically. Start being selfish about your interests as you fight for your rights financially. The narcissist will play dirty to try and get a rise out of you, but don’t take the bait as brutal as this sounds.
Co-Parenting Takes Extra Effort
It’s one thing to protect yourself through a divorce, and it’s another to navigate protecting and raising children when one of the parents is a narcissist. Quite likely, the children will have no idea of your spouse’s personality disorder, and if the narcissist chooses to use them in the divorce, they will even possibly see your spouse as a hero.
Only time will tell if your children begin to see the narcissist for who they are, but until then, both parents will have custody rights which must always be facilitated through the courts, for your own sake.
Restrict contact to the very basics, for example, dealing with child-related things. When dropping the children off and picking them up, it helps to have another of your family or friends present to witness any behavior or incident.
The narcissist will likely seek full custody, so be prepared for an emotional battle in court but remember that most judges will advocate for both parents to share custody, and they will not be blind to a narcissist’s tactics.
Get a parenting plan in place as soon as possible, and remember that you may have to give a little at times to get the best situation for you and your children in the long run.
Get Therapy
It cannot be stressed enough. Get into therapy as soon as possible, and never tell your spouse that you’re doing so. You are getting to know a therapist you can trust and give them the entire story of your life with the narcissist.
Your therapist will be there to support and guide you through the divorce, and for as long as you wish afterward, too. They’ll seek to empower you as you navigate possibly the most challenging time of your life.
Don’t Give Up!
Try always to remember that as much as this fight won’t be easy, it will be worth it. You can’t do it alone, so rely on friends and family and get a lawyer who knows what they’re doing.
Don’t try and play dirty, as there’s no end to how low a narcissist will stoop to try and win. Ultimately the most significant prize is your freedom and a life free of manipulation.
More Tips and Further Reading
1. More tips on divorcing a narcissist from a solicitor.
2. More resources if you want to divorce someone.
3. How you can survive divorcing a narcissist.
4. Six excellent strategies for divorcing a narcissist.
5. How to save your marriage if you want to avoid a divorce.*
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Enjoy your life and make the best decision for you,
Dating and Relationship Expert @ Chi Rho Dating
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