How to Not Message Your Ex: 10 Things You Should Never Text Them

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So, you find yourself in the all-too-familiar position of contemplating whether to hit send on that text to your ex. Maybe it’s late at night, and you’re feeling lonely. Or perhaps you’ve stumbled upon a photo that brings back memories you thought you had buried deep.

Whatever the reason, the urge to reach out to an ex can be powerful. But before you dive into that messaging app, let’s take a moment to consider why it might not be the best idea. After all, there’s a reason they’re called an “ex” in the first place.

This guide will explore the art of not messaging your ex. We’ll explain why it’s often best to resist the temptation to hit send and provide some other ways to move forward healthier. So please grab a cup of tea, take a deep breath, and let’s navigate this journey together.

The Temptation to Reach Out

Ah, the temptation to contact an ex. It’s like a siren’s call, luring you in with promises of closure, reconciliation, or simply the comfort of familiarity. But before you succumb to the allure of that send button, let’s pause and consider what might lie on the other side.

1. Nostalgia: It’s easy to romanticize the past, especially when you’re feeling vulnerable or lonely. You might find yourself reminiscing about the good times, conveniently forgetting the reasons why the relationship ended in the first place.
2. Loneliness: Loneliness can make even the most rational of us act irrationally. When you’re feeling isolated or disconnected, the idea of reaching out to someone who once made you feel loved and understood can be incredibly tempting.
3. Closure: Sometimes, we turn to our exes in search of closure—to tie up loose ends, ask unanswered questions, or gain a sense of resolution. But closure isn’t always found in a text message. In fact, reaching out to an ex can sometimes reopen old wounds rather than heal them.
4. Validation: There’s a certain validation that comes from knowing that someone from your past still thinks about you. It can feel validating to know that you’re still on their mind, even if the relationship is long over.
5. Fantasy of Reconnection: The mind has a funny way of playing tricks on us, often conjuring up fantasies of rekindling old flames. You might imagine that a simple message could reignite the spark and lead to a fairy tale ending. But in reality, these fantasies rarely align with the complexities of real-life relationships.

Rickard, a friend, once found himself in a similar predicament. After a particularly nostalgic evening fueled by a bottle of wine, he sent a somewhat awkward message to an ex-girlfriend he hadn’t spoken to in years. He poured his heart out in his inebriated state, professing his undying love and regret for how things ended between them.

As the hangover kicked in the following day, Rickard was filled with dread. He checked his phone, half-hoping for a response, but there was nothing. Days turned into weeks, and still, no reply came. It was a harsh lesson in the perils of drunk texting—an embarrassing reminder that some messages are better left unsent.

He has told me several times: If I had known then what I know now, my love life would have been completely different.

You can click here to get his ideas and recommendations.

So before you hit send on that message to your ex, remember Rickard’s cautionary tale. While the urge to reach out might be strong, the potential consequences can far outweigh any temporary relief it might bring.

Coping Strategies

Now that we’ve acknowledged the temptation to message your ex, let’s explore healthier ways to cope with those feelings of longing and nostalgia. Here are some strategies to help you resist the urge to reach out:

1. Self-Reflection: Take some time to reflect on why you feel compelled to message your ex. Are you seeking closure, validation, or simply a distraction from your current emotions? Understanding your motivations can help you address them more effectively.
2. Distract Yourself: When the urge to message your ex strikes, distract yourself with activities that bring you joy or relaxation. Whether it’s going for a walk, practicing a hobby, or spending time with friends, redirecting your focus can help you break the cycle of rumination.
3. Reach Out to Supportive Friends: Don’t hesitate to lean on your friends and loved ones for support during this time. Share your feelings with them, and let them provide comfort and perspective. Sometimes, a listening ear is all you need to resist the urge to reach out to your ex.
4. Journaling: Writing down your thoughts and feelings in a journal can be a cathartic way to process your emotions without involving your ex. Use this space to explore your innermost thoughts, fears, and desires, allowing yourself to express whatever comes to mind without judgment.
5. Focus on Self-Care: Prioritize self-care activities that nurture your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. Whether it’s practicing mindfulness, exercising, or indulging in a relaxing bath, taking care of yourself is essential during times of emotional vulnerability.

Rickard, ever the hopeless romantic, once grappled with the urge to message an ex after a particularly difficult breakup. Instead of giving in to his impulses, he turned to his friends for support. They encouraged him to focus on self-improvement and pursue activities that brought him joy.

Click here for a better way to text him back into your life.

By channeling his energy into personal growth and self-care, Rickard gradually overcame his desire to contact his ex. He discovered new hobbies, reconnected with old friends, and ultimately found happiness within himself.

Setting Boundaries

Setting boundaries is crucial when it comes to navigating the post-breakup period and preventing yourself from messaging your ex. Here are some tips for establishing healthy boundaries:

1. Limit Contact: Minimize your contact with your ex to reduce the likelihood of sending messages that you may later regret. This may involve unfollowing them on social media, archiving past conversations, and avoiding places where you’re likely to run into them.
2. Communicate Clearly: If you do need to communicate with your ex, be clear and concise in your messages. Stick to topics that are relevant and avoid veering into personal or emotional territory. Setting boundaries in your communication can help prevent misunderstandings and minimize the risk of sending messages impulsively.
3. Avoid Drunk Texting: Alcohol can lower your inhibitions and make you more susceptible to sending impulsive messages. If you’re out with friends or attending social events where alcohol is involved, be mindful of your alcohol intake and avoid texting your ex while under the influence.
4. Seek Closure Within Yourself: Closure is something that comes from within, not from external sources such as your ex. Instead of seeking closure through messages or interactions with your ex, focus on finding closure within yourself. Accept the end of the relationship and allow yourself to grieve and heal in your own time.
5. Stay Busy: Keep yourself occupied with activities and interests that bring you fulfillment and joy. Whether it’s pursuing a new hobby, focusing on your career, or spending time with friends and family, staying busy can help distract you from thoughts of your ex and reduce the temptation to message them.

Rickard learned the importance of setting boundaries the hard way when he struggled to maintain distance from an ex after their breakup. Despite his best efforts to move on, he was constantly tempted to reach out and rekindle their relationship.

However, through self-reflection and the support of his friends, Rickard realized that establishing clear boundaries was essential for his emotional well-being. By limiting his communication with his ex and focusing on his growth and happiness, Rickard could gradually let go of the past and embrace the possibilities of the future.

Moving Forward with Confidence

Now that we’ve explored strategies for avoiding the temptation to message your ex, it’s time to shift our focus towards moving forward with confidence. Here are some steps you can take to navigate life after a breakup:

1. Focus on Self-Care: Take care of yourself both mentally and physically during this challenging time. Practice self-care activities such as exercise, meditation, and spending time with loved ones. Nurturing your well-being will help you build resilience and cope with the emotions that come with a breakup.
2. Set Goals: Channel your energy into setting and pursuing personal goals. Whether it’s advancing in your career, traveling to new places, or learning a new skill, having goals to work towards can give you a sense of purpose and direction in life.
3. Reflect on the Relationship: Take some time to reflect on the relationship and the lessons you’ve learned from it. What worked well, and what could have been improved? Understanding the dynamics of your past relationship can help you make better choices in future relationships.
4. Connect with Supportive People: Surround yourself with supportive friends and family members who can offer encouragement and a listening ear. Lean on your support network for guidance and reassurance as you navigate the ups and downs of life after a breakup.
5. Stay Open to New Opportunities: Keep an open mind and heart as you embrace new opportunities for growth and connection. Whether it’s meeting new people, exploring new hobbies, or pursuing new career opportunities, staying open to possibilities can lead to exciting experiences and personal growth.
6. Practice Gratitude: Cultivate an attitude of gratitude by focusing on the positive aspects of your life. Take time each day to acknowledge the things you’re grateful for, whether it’s your health, relationships, or personal achievements. Gratitude can help shift your perspective and bring a sense of peace and contentment amidst the challenges of a breakup.
7. Seek Professional Support if Needed: If you’re struggling to cope with the emotional aftermath of a breakup, don’t hesitate to seek professional support. A therapist or counselor can provide valuable guidance and tools to help you process your feelings and move forward in a healthy way. Therapy can offer a safe space to explore your emotions, gain insight into your patterns and behaviors, and develop coping strategies for the future.
8. Engage in Meaningful Activities: Engage in activities that bring you joy, fulfillment, and a sense of purpose. Whether it’s volunteering for a cause you’re passionate about, pursuing a creative hobby, or joining a community group, finding meaningful activities can help you rebuild your identity and sense of self-worth outside of the relationship.
9. Forgive Yourself and Your Ex: Forgiveness is a powerful tool for healing and letting go of resentment. Practice forgiveness towards yourself for any mistakes or shortcomings in the relationship, and towards your ex for any hurt they may have caused. Holding onto anger and resentment will only weigh you down and prevent you from moving forward with peace and clarity.
10. Stay Positive and Hopeful: Finally, maintain a positive outlook and stay hopeful about the future. Remember that breakup is a natural part of life, and it’s not a reflection of your worth as a person. Trust that everything happens for a reason and that better things are on the horizon. Stay optimistic about the possibilities that lie ahead, and believe in your ability to create a happy and fulfilling life, both on your own and in future relationships.

With these steps, you can navigate life after a breakup with resilience, grace, and optimism. Remember that healing takes time, so be patient with yourself as you embark on this journey of self-discovery and growth. By focusing on self-care, seeking support when needed, and staying positive and hopeful, you can emerge stronger, wiser, and more resilient from the breakup than ever.

Rickard’s journey of moving forward after his breakup was filled with ups and downs, but ultimately, he emerged stronger and more resilient than ever before. By focusing on self-care, setting goals, and surrounding himself with supportive people, Rickard was able to navigate the challenges of post-breakup life with confidence and grace.

As you embark on your own journey of healing and growth, remember that it’s okay to take things one step at a time. Be patient with yourself, celebrate your progress, and keep moving forward with confidence and resilience. The future is full of possibilities, and with the right mindset and support, you can create a life that’s fulfilling and meaningful, even after a breakup.

Wishing you all the best, ❤️

April D. Long