We are a professional review company that receives compensation from companies whose products we review. We test each product thoroughly and give high marks only to the ones that are the very best. We are independently owned, and the opinions expressed here are our own.
Dating, especially in the beginning, is very tricky. It is true and the crutch of all who seek relationships. That first date. Many hopes, fears, expectations, and just a lack of control make it daunting, more so if it has been a while.
And the relationship and dating landscape has shifted like sands on the beach. Now there are new definitions. Situationship is a big one. But old standards like monogamy and commitment have faded into obscurity as the dating pool grows deeper and deeper. Options abound, and thus, it is hard to come to just one person at once.
The Trouble with Dating in 2020
You are being stalked. Your credit report, your picture files, and even your location are available to anyone. And anyone you date is looking up all of it. They are researching you. They don’t want to waste their time, and thus, your Facebook account, phone, and even your parents are potential sources of information.
This can be good and bad. Good because there are no secrets. Everything is on the table and out in the universe. But bad because while there are no secrets, there are also no surprises, which means things can get stale very quickly. Sure, you can put your basic info on the best hookup dating sites, but that only paints part of the picture.
Fixing the Problem
Social media and cyberstalking are among the most significant reasons some folks miss out on dating and an even bigger reason why a second date might not be in the cards. And it is guaranteed if you meet over the internet. Tips after meeting online are the same as tips after a chance encounter. Only there is more mystery in the chance encounter.
Here are a few other ways to get to that fabled second date:
1. Have a Real Conversation
Want to know what to talk about on a first date? Avoid small talk. Small is for the small thinker. The weather is the weather. We get it. The difference between small talk and real talk is engaging with the listener. Some date tips conversation ideas are like anecdotes or details relevant to something mentioned by the date. Say something witty that keeps them interested, and avoid boring topics. You know what they are.
2. Interests in Common
There is nothing more attractive to some people than an interest in their passions. Becoming entranced in their path through an activity that has captured them for many years and connecting based on a mutual love of that activity is an excellent way to bond. And the deeper your knowledge, the better they will see your passion, too.
The same applies to mutual hatred. If you both dispraise the same thing, it also works.
3. Never be Ambiguous
It is a common misconception that people like to have things be loose and free, allowing fate to decide. The reality, the truth, is that people don’t want to be left guessing; they want to know. So, when you finish the date, if you want a second one, don’t play aloof.
The simplest way is to say something definite but still fluid. Something like, “That was fun. If you’re interested, there is a great (insert casual event) that is coming up. I’d love to take you if you’re free.” See. The event is definite, but the offer is fluid.
4. Keep Sex Until Later
Yes, sex is fantastic. It is fun, a great workout, and feels amazing—most of the time. Some people put way too much emotion into acts of intimacy. It is just biology.
Keeping sex until later keeps the passion near the surface and keeps them interested to get to know you better first. It gives a level of intrigue and curiosity that just shaking the sheets doesn’t provide. Learn the heart, and then learn the body. Kissing, though, is totally fine.
5. Change It Up
The standard first date is cliché. A classic choice to have dinner and see the movie is OK if you don’t expect to wow them. Not if you are hoping to keep the passion going. So, change the cliché. Do something unique, exciting, or maybe a little scary. Take them to the circus, or an outdoor event, or on a boat ride. Just do something different.
6. Texting is Ok
There is this idea that a date shouldn’t text for some time after the date is over. Again, nonsense. If you had a good time, let them know, and if you didn’t, tell them anyway. If you have an idea for a second date, get it out there so they can check their schedule. People need to know that you give a damn. So, tell them.
If you want to wait until the following morning, that is fine, but the text after the first date status quo is to do it within 24 hours.
7. Don’t Fake It
When there are sparks, you know. If it is fake, they know. And if there are no sparks, don’t bother going into the second date conversation. Yes, this is an article on getting a second date, but why would you want to date someone you have no chemistry with. Can you grow to have some? Maybe. But why chance it? It will take away from your chance to find real chemistry.
8. Undivided Attention
In this world of smartphones and universal connectivity, it can be tough to disconnect. Fight the urge. Put the phone away. Checking your phone is tantamount to telling the person to their face, “you’re boring.” Are you a rude person? No? Then put the phone away. Please pay attention to them. Listen. And above all else, engage.
9. History is History
Exes are exes for a reason. They are the past, so keep them in the past. Never, under any circumstances, save one massive one, do you bring up your ex. The only caveat to this is if your kid is involved. If the other parent of your child is necessary to reference, it is ok. Your kid is essential to you. And your ex is a part of your life that is inescapable. So, that is your one free pass on a first date.
10. Compliments Build Report
It is perfectly acceptable to compliment your date. Actually, in the annals of first date tips, it is required to say at least one nice thing about them. Usually, your first date impression will give you the subject for your compliment. Be it the venue, the outfit, the fragrance they chose, or whatever; it will be easy to pick. Just don’t go overboard. One or two are fine, but a whole lot is a red flag for clingy tendencies.
Conclusion
From the skeptic to the hopeless romantic, we all have dated at some point. And many of us only had that first date and were either glad it ended, or sad it didn’t carry on to a second. The trick to first date tips success is in how closely you follow them. They are tips, not rules, and not even guidelines. Just tips. So, use them to help, but remember they are flexible. And then you can move on to the after the first date tips. Do you have any other first date questions or comments that might help?
You must log in to post a comment. Log in now.