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You never know what you have until it’s gone. The saying never rings more accurate when referring to the one that got away.
A breakup that you think was a mistake is a tricky situation.
Remedying the relationship is precarious and often counterintuitive. Although you may be tempted to run straight back to your ex, that may not be the best tactic.
There are some key ways to get your ex back, such as giving them time and space, being open and honest with them, examining yourself and growing as a person, rebuilding the relationships, using the past to your advantage, and avoiding manipulation and mind games.
These are the six key ways to get your ex back. So let us look at each one in detail.
Give them time and space
Breakups are emotionally taxing and, at times, even traumatic.
Chances are there will be a lot of hurt and confusion in the days following a separation, so the last thing that you will want to do is smother the other person with attention.
It will give them vindication that they made the right decision as they will associate the pain of the break up with you trying to contact them immediately.
Smothering another person and being overly clingy will drive your ex away quicker than anything else.
It would help if you gave them, and yourself, the time for your thoughts and emotions to settle so that you can accurately reflect upon the breakup.
Emotions cloud judgment, so any discussion just after the breakup will likely be about venting pain and pent-up emotion, which will likely lead to another conflict.
You both need time to assess the relationship and the break up calmly and rationally and figure out what is best for each of you.
Here are some more tips on why time and space matter after your relationship has ended.
It is easy to mistake the pain of a breakup with feelings of regret and loneliness, but once these emotions soon pass, you may realize that a separation was the right decision.
Be open and honest
Communication is vital in any relationship.
Once you have given your ex some space and can reason about the situation, examine your thoughts and feelings. If you still feel like you want them back and feel as if the breakup was a mistake, let them know that you want to talk.
Even if you don’t get back together, you will get the closure and reassurance that a breakup was the best course of action.
Once again, be careful not to be overbearing.
If your ex is not yet ready, give them more time. Eventually, you will both reach a point where you want to communicate again.
In this conversation, it is best to be direct, open, and honest.
Apologize for any wrongdoings on your behalf, and let them know calmly if there were any shortcomings on their side.
Do not let emotions get the better of you, resulting in this discussion escalating into an argument.
The chances are that they will significantly respect and admire you for this approach. Plus, being honest is a desirable personality trait, as demonstrated by this study published on ScienceDirect.
Calmly discuss how you feel and what you wish both of you had done differently.
Suppose the other person doesn’t have the self-awareness, emotional maturity, or communication skills needed to improve things.
In that case, it is best to leave them as this will be the downfall of any future relationship.
Self-examine and grow
A breakup is an excellent opportunity for self-reflection and personal growth.
Self-awareness and emotional honesty are essential here. You must be able to look inward and assess whether any blame for the breakup lies with you.
Was there an action or trait of yours that led to the relationship’s downfall? If yes, and it is something that you do not consider excellent and virtuous, try to change it. Work on yourself.
When you think that your faults have been corrected, you need to tell your ex that you’ve changed, but more importantly, you need to show them! They need to see that you’re putting in the effort, and they will appreciate this more than you know.
However, self-reflection and honesty may suggest that your partner was at fault for why things failed.
If this is the case, let them know that for there to be any hope for a future relationship, they need to change. If either of you is unwilling to agree and come to terms with what needs to change, then you should go your separate ways.
You both need to be on the same page if things are to work.
The relationship didn’t work out for a reason, so jumping back into it without changing will create a dysfunctional cycle. Deeply understanding the reasons for the breakup and making the necessary corrections is the only way for a re-established relationship to work.
Rebuild
If you have given them time and space, have been open and honest with them, and reflected upon what needs to change, they still might not be ready to jump back into a relationship.
That’s ok. The friend zone isn’t the wrong place to start, as long as you know when to call it quits.
Try to build a new relationship with them by having conversations and getting to know each other even better.
Re-establish the bond and trust that you once had. You will gain a deeper understanding of one another.
A recent friendship will mean that you are more closely bonded and are more in sync. It means that the new relationship will likely be more potent than the last.
If your ex still doesn’t want you back, you have to consider if you wish to pursue them further and risk scaring your ex away or keeping them as a good friend. I suggest the latter.
Knowledgeable flirting
While slowly rebuilding a relationship.
You can slowly and subtly start to flirt and ask questions. Start to increase the romantic intensity at a prolonged rate.
Too quickly, and you’ll scare them off. Use the past to your advantage. You know your exe’s likes and dislikes, their turn-ons, and their turn-offs.
Look and act in a way that will generate their interest.
Show your best self, and demonstrate your self-improvement and your progress on getting rid of your flaws. When it reaches the correct point, suggest whether there is a chance of starting a new relationship.
In this article, I cover how to increase your attractiveness by being your best self.
Even if they aren’t keen on the idea, you will be a better person, with higher self-esteem and a better understanding of relationships. If you gave your all to better yourself for a person and still aren’t interested in you, they aren’t the person for you.
Avoid manipulation, mind games, negative emotions
Sometimes, we all have nasty thoughts and emotions, but they are extremely unattractive and can scare people off—especially an ex who is cautious around you due to a recent breakup.
Please do your best to resolve or control these thoughts and emotions, as any signs of jealousy, spite, vengefulness, instability, obsession, etc., will scare your ex away and vindicate their decision to get away from that.
Many people resort to mind games and manipulation to get what they want.
They often do this to gain control over the other person or are afraid to be honest, and direct, leaving them vulnerable.
So instead, they play these ‘games’ trying to test how the other person feels by measuring their reaction to deliberate acts.
They are afraid to make a move themselves, so they try to prod the other person into making it.
Often, this form of manipulation isn’t as subtle as the person may think, and it is a massive red flag and turn off when it comes to possible partners.
Here are a couple of more helpful tips to get your ex back.
Final remarks
It must be said that everyone is different and that you may know the best course of action rather than an article on the internet.
But it is a process that is worth contemplating and doing correctly.
It could just be a hiccup in a long and happy relationship. Or it could be the inevitable end of a relationship that can’t work, and perhaps, it is time to start looking for the following special someone.
I can’t honestly tell you which route you should go, but I think these are the best ways to get your ex back.
Happy ex-hunting, everyone!
Rickard
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