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Often, when I ask my male clients whether they consider dating a relationship, they say “no,” while my female clients, on the other hand, say “yes.”
Should you consider dating a relationship, or is it something entirely different?
That question has more answers than a simple yes or no, and it’s fascinating because it reveals much about your expectations and overall view of dating and relationships.
So, without further ado, let’s discuss this question in more detail.
Can You Consider the First Date to Be a Relationship?
I would consider the first date a simple get-together and get-to-know-each-other kind of date. It can, of course, be the beginning of your relationship, but there’s no guarantee.
It might also be all that it is, and you decide that you weren’t as compatible as you thought initially.
Most of the time, we never know where a first date will go and whether we will have a second, maybe even third, and the fourth date with that person.
Of course, doing the right things after a first date doesn’t guarantee another one. If this keeps happening to you, it’s worth understanding why women can lose interest after the first few dates.
Other times, we never pass the first date with someone we were sure we would date more than once.
On many occasions, I thought one thing before the date and ended up with the opposite decision after it ended.
5 Best Practices for First Dates
No matter what you end up deciding, here are five of my best practices for first dates (and all the following ones too):
- Arrive a couple of minutes early. Being late for your first date is not good. It can make you seem untrustworthy. If you’re running a little late, call or text your date to let them know you‘re running late but haven’t stood them up.
- Dress to impress. How you dress says everything about how serious you are about the date. If you come straight from work, make sure that you look decent. If not, dress for the occasion and be as comfortable and content as possible.
- Smell your best. Please don’t stink on a date with a potential boyfriend or girlfriend. If your job makes you smell, make sure you have enough time to shower first.
- Try to be yourself. It is normal to feel awkward when you meet someone you don’t know particularly well for the first time. It is okay to be nervous. Your date will feel the same way.
- Ask questions. Try to avoid awkward silence by asking your date a couple of questions. If you want some tips, you will find them below.
These are my best practices and tips.
If you want more tips, read my articles about first-date etiquette for men, first-date etiquette for women, and the best questions to ask on a first date.
Is Dating a Relationship? Second and Third Dates.
If you get a second or third date, you’ll move past the insecurity of the first date and into something that might develop into a relationship.
So, whether you’re just dating or in a relationship depends on several things.
There is no straight answer, but the first difference between dating and relationships is that dating is getting to know someone on a surface level, while relationships are getting to know the same person on a deeper level.
Relationships are also more exclusive than dating.
You can, of course, agree to date each other exclusively, but most of the time, you’ll want to keep looking for new opportunities to meet different people to figure out who you want.
Dating is full of uncertainty and awkwardness, as I discussed in my article, How to Start Dating.
The 18 Sure Signs That You Are in a Relationship and Not “Just” Dating
If you want to know the eighteen sure signs that will tell you without a shadow of a doubt that you are not “just” dating but in a relationship with a person, let me walk you through them here:
- Level of Authenticity
- Level of Commitment
- Level of Availability
- Exclusivity
- Social Adaptation
- Length of Time Together
- All the Words That Start with an L
- Level of Mutual Support
- Expectations of Each Other
- How Do You Refer to Each Other?
- The Social Aspect
- T As in Trust
- Level of Emotional Connection
- The Intensity of Emotions.
- Communication
- Let’s Address The Elephant in the Room.
- Relationship Stability
- What Will Your Final Result Be?
1. Level of Authenticity
How authentic are you with the other person? Do you feel that you can be yourself without judgment from that person? Like wearing worn-out T-shirts and eating whatever you feel like?
I’ve discussed the importance of authenticity in another article.
I discuss how you can be your authentic self and why it is vital in dating and relationships, but how will it help determine whether you’re in the dating or relationship stage?
If you answer “yes” to all the questions above, you are in a relationship.
If you answered “no” to any questions, you are still in the dating stage.
2. Level of Commitment
If you are more committed to your friends and family than the person you are currently dating, you are technically still dating.
You will prioritize yourself too and only see the other person when you have time.
However, if you are in a committed relationship, your priorities will shift, and you want to spend as much time with that person as possible, reducing your time with friends and family.
3. Level of Availability
How available are you?
No, I’m not talking about whether people can reach you here, but how available you are to date and whether you like the person you’re with.
If you don’t like the person you’re dating, you are still in the dating stage.
However, if you are content and happy with the person and don’t want to date other people, you are already in a relationship or ready to get into one fast.
4. Exclusivity
You might still be dating if you agreed to date only that person. So it’s a tricky one.
However, you agreed because you are more curious. Even if nothing is certain immediately, if it lasts a couple of months, you can assume you have entered a new stage in your relationship.
If the uncertainty persists after those months, you’re still dating.
Here are 7 clear signs a casual relationship is getting more serious.
5. Social Adaptation
At first, you will have your circle of friends, and the other person will have theirs.
As your relationship progresses, you will notice that some of your and your partner’s friends will meet you as a couple while others will become no-shows, and you might lose contact with them altogether.
You will also meet other couples and start doing things together with them.
When you notice that, you will start to do more “couple stuff” with your mutual friends as a couple than hanging out with your single friends who are not in a relationship. You may assume you are in a relationship and no longerno longer dating.
That will happen naturally over time.
6. Length of Time Together
Remember that there is no right or wrong timeline for a relationship.
If you have been on a couple of dates over a few weeks, you are technically still dating and getting to know each other.
You might assume you’re in a relationship when you have been dating the same person for a few months.
If you want more insight, check out the relationship timeline here and see where you are right now.
7. All the Words That Start with an “L.”
Love, Lust, Lack, Laughter, and Like are five prime examples of words that will define whether you are dating or in a relationship.
Lust is probably the first thing you will feel for another person when you’re dating someone you like.
Like is the second stage; you will develop a sense of liking around the first couple of dates, and then you need to bring it up for discussion.
Laughter is something you should do a lot, no matter if you are dating or are in a relationship.
Lack can be fine to feel at times in a relationship, but it doesn’t make it funny.
If you want more time to spend with someone, you’re in a relationship.
Love is the final stage, and when you tell the other person you love them, you’re in a relationship if they say the same thing back to you several times.
[Tweet “Live a Life Filled with Love and Laughter, Not with Lack and Regrets — Dating Coach Rickard #quote #datingtips”]
8. Level of Mutual Support
If you support the other person when they have a bad day, and you can trust the person to do the same, you show each other mutual support, which is one of the definitions of being in a relationship.
If you can’t trust that person to give you mutual support, you’re “just” dating.
9. Your Expectations of Each Other
When you start dating someone, expectations are low. You probably expect the person to show up on time for your date, and that’s pretty much it.
As time passes and you see the same person two, three, or four times, you’ll expect more.
Suppose you expect someone to give you helpful advice in a situation you don’t know how you should handle and lean on that person’s shoulder when you need emotional support. In that case, you are already in a relationship with that person.
However, it is only a real relationship if you both feel the same.
If you also expect that person to be with you on holidays and important events and present them to your parents, you’re in a relationship.
10. How Do You Refer to Each Other?
Be aware of the pronouns you use when you talk about each other, especially among family and friends.
If you refer to yourself in the first person singular (“I” and “me”), you’re dating, but if you refer to yourself in the first person plural (“we” and “us”), you are in a relationship in both heart and mind.
Also, if you refer to yourself as a boy- or girlfriend, you are in a relationship.
11. The Social Aspect
As I discussed in #5 above, the longer you date, the more you’ll meet each other’s friends, and some will stay your friends while others will stop.
If you never meet their friends, it’s not a real relationship.
12. T As in Trust
Trust is one of the critical factors in a relationship, as I discussed many times in this blog.
To answer the main question, “Is dating a relationship?” you need to figure out if you trust the person to stay faithful to you, no matter what “temptations” might present to you or your partner.
You’re in a relationship if you feel safe and trust the person. Otherwise, you’re not.
13. Level of Emotional Connection
Your emotional connection with someone will help determine whether you are dating or in a relationship.
If you don’t feel anything for that person yet, except excitement and curiosity, you’re dating, but if you have agreed that you like and love each other, you’re in a relationship.
Here are some signs that you have developed a deep, emotional connection with that other person.
14. The Intensity of Emotions
There’s a difference between feeling butterflies in your stomach and seeing rainbows and sunshine when you’re meeting someone.
The first is normal on the first date or sometime after. So, if you think this way, you’re dating.
The latter part describes feeling infatuated and having developed a deep emotional connection with somebody.
If you feel a deep connection, you’re in a relationship.
15. Communication
How do you communicate?
I don’t necessarily mean that you end each other’s sentences.
Still, if you communicate with that person daily or almost daily, you are probably in a relationship.
If there are long breaks between your communication, that probably indicates you’re still dating.
16. Let’s Address the Elephant in the Room
Now it’s time to address the three-letter word elephant in the room, S-E-X.
It’s a significant part of a relationship at the beginning, when you’re dating. Still, it will take a back seat, and other parts of your relationship will develop further down the road.
Yes, it is still essential, but you will find other levels of intimacy as the relationship develops.
If your main focus is to seduce her, you are technically still dating, but if you want to attract and keep her for the long term, your main focus is a relationship.
17. Relationship Stability
Suppose your main focus is to do as much as possible for the other person.
In that case, you are deeply committed to that person emotionally and personally; you are in a relationship.
There are also fewer doubts about your feelings for each other.
If you go to great lengths to fulfill your commitment to the other person, and they do the same to you, that is a clear sign that you’re in a relationship.
If none of this is true, however, you’re still dating.
18. What Will Your End Result Be?
I can’t tell you what your result will be, but there are two potential outcomes.
Either you date that person for a while and decide that you are not compatible to be in a relationship, or you will choose to be in a relationship with a woman.
If you decide to break it off after two or three dates, you don’t need to explain much.
If you have been dating for a couple of months, you should tell them that you have decided not to continue this relationship.
It’s best to say it face-to-face in an honest, open conversation.
I hope that you found this article quite helpful and that you want to share it with one of your friends by clicking on one of the buttons below or reading any of the in-depth articles that I have linked to throughout this article.
Is Dating a Relationship or Something Else Entirely – My Final Thoughts
Honestly, I can’t tell you whether you are dating or in a relationship, but I hope this has helped answer some questions you might have before reading.
Only you can tell, and the best way is to follow the advice I shared in number 15 above.
When you discuss things with the other person, it will become much easier for you to decide and reach a mutual agreement on what kind of relationship you’re in with that other person.
The most important thing is not to define it immediately, but to let it mature and move at its own pace.
Remember, there is no fixed timeline your relationship “must” follow to be labeled a “success” or a “failure.” Only time will tell.
I hope it helped clarify something for you,
Rickard
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