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Are Shared Values Important in Dating?

I am an advocate of sharing values when you’re dating someone. Why? Because research has shown us that there are three ways to succeed in dating and relationships.

The first way can be described as “opposites attract” which I have discussed on this blog before. The second way is the shared values which I will discuss in further detail below and the third and final way is the combination of the two.

Shared values are important in long-term relationships. Because if you want to start a family you need to share certain values. The first and most obvious one is that both of you want to start a family, of course.

Secondly, you need to agree on how you should raise your children and which values you should emphasize. If you don’t agree on these matters, you will fight until one of you give away to the other one’s opinions.

Don’t get me wrong, fighting over different matters and having different opinions are signs of a healthy relationship.

If we discuss the third way of success, however, there might not be any need for one of you to “win” the fight or argument.

You might agree on certain values but disagree on others. As long as you can discuss them in a constructive way, your relationship won’t be in jeopardy.

Agreeing on the importance of strong values in the upbringing of children but disagreeing on which school you should send your children to, might be an example here.

Politics and religion are areas where we, as human beings, are highly opinionated. These are important that we share or at least have discussed and this is vital in dating.

How Values Matters in Dating

Values matter a lot in dating. Common and shared values matter even more since they are the building blocks of any kind of relationships, stretching from friendships to relationships.

Many of the core values form integrity. Because when we let ourselves down we lose our integrity, which I discussed in further detail in that article. You have to be yourself and be true to your core values the entire time.

This is also how you dignify yourself and your date. Everything comes down to your core values.

Values are what most dating blogs don’t talk about, it sometimes seems like we are too afraid or too anxious to speak about it.

To give you an example that is not about anything sensitive: If you are dating someone who loves dogs but you love cats, you have a problem but it’s not something that is hard to overcome. Yet, you have different values.

Cats are more selfish, dogs are more social. Cats go to the litter box, dogs need to go outside, no matter what weather it is outside.

I will give you another example that is more dating related that will be a bit more controversial:

If you think that a person should decide about every aspect of life and your date thinks it’s a family matter and that the family should decide every aspect of that person’s life choices this poses a real problem.

These are things that might not be as easily overcome as whether your family should have a cat or a dog. This also shows clearly how values matters in dating and relationships.

Different countries and different cultures have different values, just as values matter between human beings.

Just to clarify my own views on these matters: I strongly believe that it is up to every person to make his or her life decisions on their own.

If they want advice, they should seek advice from people they trust, whether it is trained professionals or a family member really doesn’t matter.

About the cats or dogs question my answer is that I prefer dogs.

Just remember that the more you can discuss and get to know one another when you’re dating the fewer “bumps” will you encounter in your future relationship.

Intelligence matters in dating and relationships and exactly how it does, I have discussed in further detail in another article.

Conclusion: Values Does Matter in Dating

Since the middle of this month, I have discussed the 5 values that matter most in dating in further and elaborate details.

In fact, they are discussed more than ever before on this blog. You can find links scattered around this article to all of the previous articles.

As you can see from the discussion and examples above values do matter a lot in dating. So does intelligence, dignity, integrity, humor, honesty, trust, the ability to being yourself, respect and faith.

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I have listed 10 things above that really matters in dating. They are by no means meant to be a conclusive list but they are meant as a direction to singles who are reading this blog.

Just remember that as long as you can discuss and communicate every topic that you come up with, which also is important in all relationships, your relationship will grow and hopefully flourishes.

With this insight, this mini-series has reached its end for now but might be discussed again in the future.

Next Article

My next article will discuss Internet dating for Christians.

It will be published on the 4th of October 2017.

Have a great week,

Rickard