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One of the most common questions I get from female clients is: “How to get a man to open up.”
In this article, I will share a quick way to make any man open up to you emotionally, psychologically, and physically.
Before I share them, I will tell you why he isn’t opening up to you.
A man is not opening up to you because he doesn’t trust you enough or is not comfortable being vulnerable around you.
Every man creates a distance between him and you to defend himself from being hurt again.
It might stem from a traumatic childhood experience, a lack of trust in other humans, or that he is thinking about what his next move with you will be.
I covered the last one in more detail in my article “Why Are Men Pulling Away.“
Childhood trauma can be anything from a sense of being abandoned by a parent or an absent parent due to work, drug use, emotional immaturity, or a medical condition that needs treatment.
These are only a few reasons he isn’t opening up to you.
Any of the causes will create a lack of trust in other humans in a person who suffered from abandonment, especially at a very young age, affecting him throughout his life.
If you want to know how to get a man to open up physically, mentally, and emotionally, that is what I will cover next.
How to Get a Man to Open Up Physically
Getting a man to open up to you physically is probably the easiest way to start the entire process of talking since men are comfortable speaking about their bodies and the things that happen to them.
First, you must understand that it is a logical, clinical, rational, non-emotional way to discuss things that he doesn’t mind talking about since they only touch him on a surface level, not his heart, soul, or emotions.
None will push him out of his comfort zone and force him to face the real issues.
Start talking about something he can relate to, or ask him about his day, and he will start to discuss and share what happened with you.
It creates a little trust in him for you and a secure spot for him that will open up the conversation.
One thing that I need to emphasize, though, is that there is no such thing as fixed stages of a relationship timeline.
As that article covers, every relationship develops at a different timeline and pace.
Why Should I Open Up First?
The reason you should open up first and initiate the conversation is that men are not very talkative and will not share everything in minute details with you.
However, once you start, you will be surprised by how quickly he opens up to you.
One of the women’s many frustrations with men is that we men don’t talk a lot and don’t share many emotions or describe them the same way women do.
I will share why that is the case at the end of this article.
Starting to talk works well if you are in the same room, but what if there is an actual physical distance between the two of you and you are not in the same city, country, or continent, but you still want him to open up to you? Is it still possible to make him open up to you?
Making a Man Open Up to You When He’s Physically Distant
If you want a man who is not in the same city, country, or continent that you are, it is easy to do these days, thanks to the Internet and modern ways of communication.
One of the simplest ways is to send him a specific 12-word text.
It is one of the best ways to make men open up to you and have a genuine heart-to-heart conversation, even if artificial borders or natural ones like rivers or oceans separate you.
If you want to know more about this text, read more about the psychology behind the so-called “hero instinct” and why it works on men, no matter how far he is from you.
It is essential to understand that if he is going to open up, you must listen more and talk less.
How to Get a Man to Open Up Mentally
Getting a man to open up mentally is a little more complicated, but it is still possible.
As I ended my last paragraph, a woman needs to understand that if a man is ever going to open up about his life, and his emotional life, in particular, you need to listen more and talk less.
Another aspect you must be aware of is that a man must prepare himself to open up to you.
Men do not want to hear about your past and what your exes did to you since most men focus on the here-and-now rather than what happened many years ago.
If you spot these signs that he is passionate about you, he is ready to open up physically, mentally, and emotionally to you. Make sure you read up on those signals, so you don’t miss them.
Listen, But Don’t Judge Him
When he starts to talk and open up to you, it is critical that you avoid criticizing him or judging him and his emotions. Instead, focus on listening to what he says without judgment.
Suppose a man feels judged by the woman he is in a relationship with.
In that case, he will start to think about what he shares with you, thereby creating a lack of trust in you and starting distancing himself from you mentally and, more important, emotionally.
Make sure that you listen to him and show that you support him.
That will make him draw closer to you, become more passionate about you, and create more trust and love for you rather than the opposite.
One of my articles that I think you will benefit from is the one that shares how you can create a more profound, meaningful connection between him and you.
How to Get a Man to Open Up Emotionally
If you made it this far, you know you are up for a real challenge since getting him to open up emotionally is the hardest.
For this reason, you need to know how to get a man to open up emotionally to you.
There are three things you need to know about men if you are going to make them open up:
- Understand how men talk about emotions
- Please realize that we all have a history shaped by our previous relationships and exes
- Don’t plan and overanalyze what is happening
They will help you to get him to open up emotionally to you, and they are the things I will discuss now.
Understand How Men Talk About Emotions
Men don’t talk about emotions the same way women do – as a matter of fact, we don’t.
Men talk about facts, women about feelings, and analyze why and what happened to made them feel that way.
Once you understand that men are less comfortable discussing emotions, you have an essential insight.
Most men are not used to consulting or analyzing their feelings like you are, so they have little experience.
Men avoid talking about emotions with other men as much as possible since it isn’t considered a particularly manly thing to do.
If this makes you question whether you will ever get a man or not, please read that article.
We All Have Emotional Backpacks from Our Previous Relationships
It feels like an eternity since I revealed that we all have emotional backpacks of our previous experiences with relationships.
However, it is the truth.
Our past experiences constantly shape our future relationships, for better and worse, which is why relationships continually evolve and never stay the same.
As a human being, you also change and are shaped by them.
If you want more details, you can read more about your “emotional backpack” and why everyone has them and are stuck with it.
Our past experiences constantly shape our future relationships, for better and worse.
Dating Coach Rickard Österholm
Don’t Plan and Overanalyze Your Emotions
As I shared with you previously, you mustn’t plan and overanalyze your emotions when you try to get him to open up and share his with you.
If you do, you will only suffer and risk your relationship with him.
Instead of planning, take things slowly, and start by opening up about your emotions first, which will create a haven for him where he can allow himself to open up emotionally to you.
Once he feels secure and trustworthy, he will open up to you. Don’t try to rush things.
It is better to take it slow and steady and allow your relationship to develop at its own pace rather than rushing things and, after a couple of years, ending up breaking up with him and going through all the emotional pain, and perhaps even a financial one if you are getting divorced.
Instead, I would advise you to let your relationship mature and develop at its own pace, and that will hopefully help you get the best relationship possible with the man you love.
If you have already tried to get a man to open up and succeed, you might want to know what you should do when a man is passionate about you and ready to commit to you, which I share in yet another article on this blog.
For more helpful content to help you get a man to open up, see “Further reading” below.
Conclusions
Knowing how to get a man to open up is crucial if you want him to share everything with you.
Getting him to open up about his emotions is about creating the right environment and making him feel safe, secure, and trusting enough to let himself share his “unmanliness” with you.
There are many ways why men aren’t sharing their emotions with women.
However, the most obvious one is that he is not used to discussing or analyzing his emotions with other human beings.
Other things that can cause an emotionally distant man are that he might suffer from childhood trauma, a sense of abandonment stemming from an absent parent, or a lack of trust in other people.
Take things slowly and let the relationship progress at its own pace.
Rushing things might only lead to a breakup or, worst case, divorce with a man you know is perfect for you.
In the best case, he will clam up and stop sharing anything with you.
I understand the frustration that you are going through and probably are feeling right now, not knowing what you should do next.
To your success,
Rickard
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