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In this blog post, I will talk about a way of conduct that is not something I recommend for anybody seeking a long-term relationship.
I am not proud to say that I have conducted in this way but I want to come clean and confess that even I did something that I am not proud of when I was younger.
This has hurt a couple of women, no doubt about it and I shouldn’t have done it but I was young and inexperienced back then.
For this I just want to say: I am, truly sorry and hope that these women will be able to forgive me.
Read more to find out about “the bad guy trap” and how we should avoid it.
Do Girls Like Bad Boys?
Bad boys or bad guys are the same.
But do girls like bad boys?
It might seem like bad guys always win.
Honestly, I think it is about time to say goodbye to bad boys forever, don’t you?
Otherwise, we decent guys wouldn’t stand a chance to get a girl.
Surely, I did misbehave back then because I thought it was how things were supposed to be.
So, what I like to do next is discussing how easy it is to fall into this trap.
Falling In The “Bad Guy Trap” Is Easy
Falling in the “bad guy trap” are so easy and there are even some dating coaches that are promoting this way of conduct. I am however not one of those guys.
You will understand why after you have read this true story from my life…
The entire story is based when I was young and had a long commute to the place where I worked which were located in another city.
I had to go by bus and train since that was the cheaper alternative and it only had a temporary work.
There, on the train were a couple of girls I’ve flirted with and also were on dates with but before it got serious I just pretended that I’d got a call from my girlfriend and that wasn’t nice, I confess it!
It was quite hurtful which I didn’t realize at first.
That is, not until my first love which I have asked out on many dates that never happened.
Fortunately for me, I was lucky, as it turns out, because we never got out on a date, and even worse, I could never get an honest answer from her.
But when I did she finally revealed to me that she already had a boyfriend!
You see, I thought that what the modern women wanted was a guy who was experienced and already taken but I was so wrong, wasn’t I?
Women simply don’t want to be the other woman; they want to be the woman in your life.
That’s all that matters to them and for obvious reasons that are all that should matter to you too!
Since then I have realized the importance of being honest and now I am advocating for honesty, as you probably know if you have been reading this blog in the past months.
I have given my previous behaviour a lot of thought when I heard a guy in a video that I reviewed earlier here on the blog stating that you should “date them (women) as you hate them”.
I really don’t think that this is a good advice.
This is basically how I did it and it didn’t turn out well for me.
When I started to be myself and also being honest with the fact that I didn’t have a girlfriend I’d got a lot of good dates and that is also why I am a strong advocate for being true to yourself and being the best version of you that you possibly can be.
Enough about me!
However what we all can learn from this and what I certainly figured out is that if you are treating women badly or pretending to be a “bad guy” you will only attract a certain kind of women/girls and most of them are not interested in a long-term relationship with you.
They just want to “have fun”, being “independent” and “not committing to anything” etc. This is not girls or women you want to give a serious relationship with since they are immature, just as the case were with my previous behaviour.
If you ever have watched the American TV-show “How I met your mother” then you’ll know what I am writing about.
Think about the character “Barney Stinson” and how he treats women.
There you’ll have the original “bad guy” who treats women like well, to put it mildly, trash. This is of course not how most women want to be treated, guys!
How To Avoid The “Bad Guy Trap”
The Bad Guy trap is dating girls or women for a while and then break up with them or pretending that you are in a serious relationship with someone else.
It is also called “hook-ups”, “one night stands” and “casual dating”.
This is of course not the way we as Christians should act (and no one else either for that matter).
As a friend of mine that just met a girl on a dating site that is all about this said to me: “It’s only biology. You should do it too. It’s what your body needs.
You’ll know how to protect yourself, don’t you?”
I then suddenly came to remember how I did feel after I was getting the news that she actually found someone and also how the women I have been dated felt when I broke “the news”.
Needless to write, they would not talk to me again. Their girlfriends would also help them making a “mental wall” so that I couldn’t talk to them.
This taught me, the hard way that being the other woman isn’t what women want, it’s to be your one and only woman, your confidant, your love, your soul mate.
So this is what I wanted to write on how you should avoid the “bad guy trap”: Be honest and be yourself the entire time.
I will now go into it a bit further in detail: what I mean is that you always should be honest with your intentions of why you are dating the entire time, this goes both towards yourself and your date.
If your gut tells you that it will not help, then don’t continue doing it!
Maybe she has felt the same way.
Communicate with each other and have long conversations about why you are dating and what you are aiming for, e.g. A long-term committed and exclusive relationship.
Next Blog Post
There is one more trap that I will write about tomorrow and that is the “fun guy trap“.
See you then,
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